I spent a lot of my life thinking I was a disappointment to God. It probably started young when I realized that my parents were both pretty upset a lot of the time (they divorced when I was four). I didn’t know why they were upset but I found out if I behaved, they seemed a little bit happier. To my four-year old brain I guess that meant that I was the one making them unhappy, too. Disappointing to my parents. Disappointing to God. I just have to work harder so they all will be happy.
I’m still struggling a bit with this passage. On one hand, I KNOW God loves me, especially when I am not too full of myself. But that can become a danger to me too. I get mad at myself for “not being humble enough.” When I get perfectionistic about my humility or my holiness, it’s a special kind of pride too. I’m trying to be SO good that God HAS to love me. It’s really just another way of worrying that God doesn’t love me, can’t love me unless I’m perfect.
That’s not actual humility either. Humility towards God – sure, it’s not telling God how great I am, but it’s also not telling God how awful I am, either. The real problem is the focus on “I” altogether. We should still focus on ourselves enough to make sure we are taking care of ourselves and protecting our boundaries, but Jesus is the Judge, and we need to let him tell us his decision: that we are loved.
Should we still be motivated to live lives of holiness and service? Of course! That’s at least part of what is meant by “the fear of the Lord” – knowing that if there is anyone we should worry about displeasing it’s God. But that should always be balanced in our hearts with an assurance that God declares us to be righteous by Jesus’ blood. Not, “it’s okay, you’re fine the way you are,” but “I know you’re a sinner. I love you regardless. Period. Welcome home again.”
14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
15 People were also bringing babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. 16 But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 17 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
18 A certain ruler asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
19 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone.